Is this what marriage is like for everyone? Or do we need counseling?

We have our moments of fun, but for the most part, my wife is really unhappy. I try to be upbeat, but it is hard because she's very stuck in her mindset and I get down about it too eventually. We have been married a year and a half. When we dated we had 3-4 times a week, now it's down to once, maybe twice. She's 37 and I am 39. She does not seem to enjoy it. She used to ask for oral and all kinds of stuff, which I was glad to do, but now she couldn't care less. She complains about where we live, how much money I make (yet I make 80K and my job is recession-proof), that she was able to be carefree when she was single, that she wishes she didn't throw away her vibrator (right after we got married). I told her to buy another one--whatever it takes to make her happy. We have been trying to have a baby for the last year but we recently found out that I am infertile, and before she found out my condition was completely reversible she posed the possibility of leaving me, because she did not want every day of the rest of her life to be "like this". She refuses to call her friends to hang out, so if we ever do hang out with other couples it is all my effort. She says she doesn't know how to be herself now that she's married, that she can't be the same. She misses living in the city (we moved to the suburbs anticipating kids). There is not a single day that goes by that I do not fantasize about having and affair. I am in great shape, go to the gym 3-4x week. This cannot be what marriage is like for everyone, right? I mean people joke about not being happy, infrequent , etc. But if this is what marriage is like, how does ANYBODY stay together???!!!